Sex Trap - Avoiding the Inevitable and Rediscovery Sexual Joy

Your enjoyment in sex can vary from absolute superficial or to the profound & meaningful.

The question that you need to answer is how do sexual tips contribute to your experience?

Do sexual tips add a superficial pleasure or a profound and meaningful sexual experience?

Superficial sex happens when you and your partner are just triggering reflexes in each other's bodies.

Think, about one partner performing oral sex on the other and the meaning of enthusiastic enjoyment for oral sex?

Dr. Scharch explains that you can tell him or her how to move their hand or mouth till their fingers fall off - you're not going to get what you're looking for [3]

Your partner may be stimulating your genitals with sexual mastery, and you'll still be frustrated because you know something is missing.

Again this is the typical sex trap that can undermind any relationship if not checked.

And this "something missing" is the limitation of a "goal-focused" definition of sexual success (i.e. successful sex ends in orgasm).

In otherwords, even if you orgasm something is missing! Note, this is the most diffucult diffcult sex trap to identify.

In this case it is more than an inability to communicate, it speaks to a deeper belief system of how things should be and expectations.

How many times have you let your partner do something to you sexually that you did NOT enjoy, but allowed it to continue because you thought they were enjoying it?

Dr. Scharch and Dr. Whipple both warn - of the sex trap - that goal-focused sex has the potential danger to distort the unique human quality of sexual intimacy [2][1].

Today, Dr. Scharch, reports that it is not uncommon for couples, who by definition mutually achieve orgasm, to report low sexual desire [2].

For these couples, orgasm is achieved, but sexual fulfillment is NOT achieved.

Next I will atttempt to shed light on the orgins of goal-focused sex before providing an alternative pleasure-focused approach to sex and orgasm.

"Sexual Success - A Man-u-factured Script"

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The goal-focus script of lovemaking has been the dominant measure of sexual success for atleast the last 100 plus years.

It is a sex trap script that placed the responsibility of sexual success on the vaginal orgasm of women.

Sigmund Freud and his followers are given credit for bringing this idea into cultural prominence at the beginning of the 20th century.

In A General Introduction to Psychoanalysis, published in 1920, Freud wrote that "...in the transition to womanhood it is important that the sensations of the clitoris are completely transferred...to the entrance of the vagina...".

In, 1927, he added "the abolition of clitoris sexuality is a necessary pre-condition for the development of femininity".

Freud's opinions were repeated, quoted and expanded upon in marriage manuals and medical textbooks throughout the 1930's and 1950's. Believe it or not, this was the scientific fact of the time!

For the majority of women who did not or rarely experience vaginal orgasms, living in this era was a very troubling experience.

If you did not fit in with so-called cultural expectations, "something must be wrong with you" was the natural assumption.

Can you image what it was like for these women? What made it even more difficult was that there was little opportunity for women to talk to their peers about it.

Women who did not reach orgasm through vaginal penetration by a penis were labeled as fridgid, neurotic, and infantile.

Treatment included long-term psychoanalysis, which did little to improve sexual satisfaction.

Lonnie Barbach writes, in Pleasures: Women Write Erotica , of another rare treatment for extreme so-called problem cases of clitoral-sensitivity - the clitoris was to be eliminate entirely!

Today, little has changed in the cultural debate - orgasm still is a central factor in how a majority of women and men define sexual success.

The majority of current sex literature continues to focus on defining different types of genital orgasms:

Unlike Freud and his followers, today there is a general agreement that there is not one right way or better way to achieve orgasm.

Today there are many sexual aids to beat the sex trap and to help women achieve a stronger and more responsive orgasm with mineral and vitamin enriched lotions.

With scientific support these aids are a useful tool to improve your sexual response, however, they can become even more effective when combined with adapting a larger idea of sexual success.

Avoid The Superficial Sex Trap

What's Wrong with the Clitoris Orgasm?

"Sexual Success - A Man-u-factured Script"

References