Overcoming The Perfect Love Myth - Lasting Relationships Can & Do Happen!
Are You Asking The Right Questions About Love? Click Here To Find Just How Strong Your Relationship Really Is!
|
Relationship Advice Focus |
Popular Love Relationship Advice |
|
|
|
|
Timeless love relationship advice. The fact is that the nature of relationships have not changed in 2000 years.
Healthy relationships are the most basic element of human happiness.
So why is it so so darn hard to create and then maintain loving relationships?
Is it too much to seek out that perfect love?
For one thing most experts seem to agree that a healthy relationship
must start with yourself.
"New Love, Old Love
Everything But True Love"
The first obstacle to overcome is what I call the "perfection
trap ".
An old Sufi story captures the essence of the "perfection
trap" that undermines not only new, but relationships that
are well established.
"One afternoon, a man and his friend escaped the afternoon's
sun in the cafe, drinking tea and talking about life and love.
"How come you never got married?" asked his friend
'Well..." the man said with a deep reflective thought
that seemed to carry him back to a younger day.
"...to tell you the truth, I spent my youth looking for
the perfect woman. In Cairo, I met a beautiful and intelligent
woman, with eyes like dark olives but she was unkind.
Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous
soul, but we had no interests in common. One woman after another
would seem just right, but there would always be something missing.
Then one day, I met her. She was beautiful, intelligent, generous
and kind. We had everything in common. In fact she was perfect."
"Well," said the man's friend, "What happened?
Why didn't you marry her?"
The man sat back and sipped his tea reflectively. "Well,"
he replied, "It's a sad thing. Seems she was looking for
the perfect man."
Timeless love relationship advice.
Overcoming the Perfection
Trap
As the love relationship advice story tells, the perfection trap
occurs when we try to find perfection outside of ourselves.
Does this mean we shouldn't try to find perfection in our relationships?
I think not! Perfection is a nobel aim within the context of relationships.
Perhaps one lesson in the Sufi story is that perfection is the
ability to accept the imperfect.
To make this insight a little more meaningful consider this thought
on the power of acceptance.
Acceptance is a lens through which everything is seen as perfectly
harmonious.
Acceptance is the opposite of expectations.
When you learn to let go of expectations and accept, you eliminate
internal friction that causes anger and grief.
Unfortunately, some think of acceptance as settling for second
best. It goes against the cultural message "of fight, fight
against the dying light".
Nothing can be further from the truth.
Acceptance can be called settling when it is considered an ending
point.
However, when it is considered a starting point, it is the first
step in a thousand mile journey where anything becomes possible.
Acceptance is a source of energy that propel us to create the future
we desire in our relationships. The energy comes from an increase
desire to learn and discover and create the relationships we desire.
When you fight and chase to get something you want, you will always
arrive to your "dream" too exhausted to enjoy it.
And when you do enjoy your achievement it is short lived. You have
become addicted to the chase.
The confusion of chasing shadows of happiness is what I call the
pursuit of pleasure.
The pursuit of happiness starts with mastering the art of acceptance.
To do so will bring you incredible insight, energy and and an expanded
awareness that gives you the power to overcome any life obstacle.
Through acceptance fulfilling intimate relationships are inevitable.
We all know of couples who can love and fight yet continue to create
and grow a life together.
This is not a myth, it is possible the only question is why is
it eluding you?
Is Your Relationship Stuck In Ego?
Here is some modern love relationship advice very similiar to the Sufi love relationship advice above.
As you already know relationships are friend and foe
to our happiness.
A couples journey from first date to "life
after the vows" have unique challenges along the way.
Understanding the challenges that all couples face might give you an insight into your own relationships.
Dr. Susan Campbell offers more love relationship advice.
She suggest a new way to look at a couples
journey through 5 distinct relationship stages
- Romance
- Power Struggle
- Stability
- Commitment
- Co-Creation
She explains that in the first stage each partner
secretly feels that the relationship exists for their pleasure and
comfort, but in order to have the pleasures they must keep the other
partner happy.
The outcome of this is that a 'mutual admiration society"
develops which emphasizes similarities and ignores differences between
the partners.
If the couple survives the first stage their relationship
the next stage is a reality check in where partners are forced to
see each other as life size lovers.
They no longer exaggerate the good "stuff"
and acknowledge the short comings and differences.
The power struggle stage is described where couples
may try to adjust to this new reality by dominating or changing
each other. This is always a futile effort.
The good news is that couples may learn to accept
and celebrate their differences.
Dr. Campbell states that most couples do not make
it past this stage.
It is what I call the law of reverse effect. You act
one way and achieve to opposite result.
Have you noticed that the more you try to control people or events
in your life, the less in control you feel?
But when you accept and relax into a moment, and pay attention
to the moment for what it is rather than what you want it to be,
things seem to just work themselves out?
The question is how does one do this?
The simple answers is to make a shift from a control to a discovery
mindset.
Dr. Campbell describes the Learning/Discovery mindset as the ability
to live in a continual state of openness to being surprised and
a continual state of acceptance of "what is."
When you are focused on learning, as opposed to controlling, your
attention naturally goes toward discovering what the current situation
requires of you.
You do not waste valuable time and energy wishing things were:
- Different
- Assigning blame
- Trying to be right
- Manipulating people
You maintain your sense of well-being, regardless of whether things
turn out as planned.
You accept, learn and try again from your experiences. In experiential
education we call it the learning cycle - in life it is called personal
development.
Anthropologist have suggest that a greater drive than sex in humans
is to learn.
The Learning/Discovery Mindset is a key to a successful happy life
and the foundation of successful relationships.
You develop the capacity to handle any situation you are in - you
are continually failing forward no matter what happens.
Every person has a way of trying to maintain the illusion of control.
Throughout our lives we have been told there is a right answer.
Our teachers marked our school papers to indicate where we went
wrong. Our parents told us what is right and wrong.
As adults many women and men do not develop the skills necessary
to cope with the uncertainty of the real world. This is very simple love relationship advice but also very effective love relationship advice.
As adults, when we try to have intimate relationships based on
control/security and we fail to grow as individuals and as a couple
We are at risk to chase for that fictitious perfect partner.
For many women getting past stage two: the power struggle stage
seems impossible , but with a simple shift in mindset towards accepting,
learning and doing you open new doors.
Consider this love relationship advice and how you can use this love relationship advice.
Some people push harder to cope with the failures of a control
mindset.
Dr. Campbell offers this love relationship advice insight:
"Some get angry, and others become sneaky.
Anything that is done to protect oneself from anxiety or uncertainty
generally will backfire on you. You have to learn at some point
to deal with whatever happens."
Let's face it most of the things you try to control, are really
beyond your control, however there is a way to successfully deal
with the reality of constant change.
Embrace uncertainty, accept what happens and learn and improve
your world one step at a time... this is the primary message of this love relationship advice.
...and your perfect partner will be waiting for you. And to your suprise what you will found often times is someone who always had right before you.
Only now, with a new way of looking and thinking about the world, lov efinds a home in your heart.
Love relationship advice like this can make all the difference.
For more information love relationship advice and on the 5
Stage Relationships model and Learning Mindset visit Dr. Campbells
Website. The information is found in her love relationship advice book: The Couple's
Journey: Intimacy as a Path to Wholeness.
next...how to overcome the fear
of commitment!
*
|
Relationships