How To Overcome The Phobia Of A Commited Relationship

Fear of commitment in any loving relationship can be overcome.

In any serious relationship the ultimate question of commitment will be faced.

When a couple can practice:

• Acceptance
  
  
• Co-learning

and focus on continuous improvement as individuals and as a couple - the ability to commit is a natural outcome.

Through the practice of acceptance a couple can journey through the 3 stages of commitment that John Welwood describes in "Passion and Surrender":

"Much of the pressure, ambivalence and confusion surrounding commitment stem from trying to impose it on a relationship, as an all-or-nothing arrangement.

A more conscious, realistic approach would be to see commitment as a gradual process..."

Where Are You In The 3 Stages of Commitment

• Fall In Love For All The Right Reasons
  
  
• Ready For A Real Relationship?
  
  
• Learn How To Find The Love of Your Life
  
  

Stage One: Work With

The first and perhaps most critical stage of commitment seems to be the sincere intention to work with whatever comes up...

...no matter how difficult or threatening it may be!

Working with what ever comes along means:

• Being present with it
  
  
• Letting it touch us
  
  
• Not withholding ourselves from it
  
  
• Meeting it with full attention and energy

 

Stage Two: Going Beyond Me First

This second stage involves learning to go beyond allegiance to our own pleasure and needs.

If the first stage is preparation for stepping out of the cocoon, the second stage is actually taking the step.

Going beyond the "me first" attitude must evolve from a real insight into the stagnation that results when we hold back from giving ourselves more fully to the situations that we are a part of.

 

Stage Three: Long Range Journey

Having evolved through these first two stages, a couple might be ready to make a more enduring commitment to share and to follow the destiny of their journey together, no matter where it leads.

Real marriage is the joining of the heart, mind and spirit that has already happened at a very deep level.

If a couple lets their commitment evolve gradually and naturally, marriage vows do not represent trying to live up to some ideal, but are more of a conscious celebration of the connection they have already made and learned to be true.

When commitment in a loving relationship is seen as a journey and end point, it does NOT restrict and limit a relationship.

But as you might now know this is why some men fear commitment.

For some men the fear of commitment is a reaction to the unknown - and to others it is a reaction to the known...

....like some fatalistic end point (i.e. trapped with 2 kids, mortgage and an expanding waistline!).

And here lies the key to overcome the fear to commitment in those men you fear the certainity of some undesirable future.

Simply help your partner redefine what the end-point means.

Commitment as an end can been seen as the boundaries in which a couple can call home and experience the delicate dance of give and take.

Commitment does not have to be some type of invisible cage.

As a journey, a loving relationship commitment represents the exploration of the vertical dimension in life - the deeper journey.

There is enough room in relationships for almost anything to happen, but too often we are caught up in a drama cycle of work, family and life that we can only see what we wish for.

We miss the moment for what it is - not good or bad.

In that moment we have a choice.

If you find that you simply react to daily events that seem to be predominately negative, then most likely your love life will be greeted with the same negative energy.

Regardless of how small this beauty is, it is a source of life to expand from.

When you practice acceptance as a starting point your ability to stay present is natural, simple and easy.

And the fear of commitment can be overcome.

This simple truth has kept people alive and well in the worse conditions imaginable - all you need to do is listen to a survivor of a concentration camp or war camp.

Fear of commitment can be overcome.

Stay present.

It is the gift we give ourselves.

 

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